Incredibly, for the last 13 years, the city of Passaic has legally restricted a specific ethnic minority. True, there were incidents — violent attacks, public nudity. And yes, perhaps we should keep all of them locked up and in chains. But isn’t society to blame? Is it right that you and I should be free — or whatever it is you’d call this — while these few should suffer?

I am talking, of course, about pit bulls.

Since 1987, the city of Passaic has had an ordinance that singles out pit bulls for special licensing and handling beyond that required for other vicious dogs. They’re now changing that, however, because although it’s certainly a good idea to restrict dogs that eat people or at least that play too many violent video games, state law prohibits singling out specific breeds. As everyone knows, the only kind of dogs you can outlaw under the Constitution are those little yappy ones that won’t shut up.

And there’s a reason for that. No matter what the breed, dogs in and of themselves are neither good nor evil. Whether you show him a Bible or a shot of whiskey, a dog will give you the same reaction. He’ll sniff it, bark to distract you, and steal your donut. Dogs don’t care. A dog owned by the Queen of England will sniff the butt of a dog owned by some guy at the OTB.

Dogs, bless their hearts, are dumb.

And because they’re dumb, they love people, and they love us for simple reasons — we feed them, we pet them, and actually more important than either of those, we lead them. Dogs often don’t really know what to do with themselves. After they eat, sleep, and mark their area, they’re just smart enough to want something more. That’s when they start following things.

They follow crowds. They chase cars. They’ll follow an arcane odor from here to Morris County. Where you and I see a garbage truck, a dog sees a combination of a taffy pull and the 1967 Monterey Pop Festival. They also follow other dogs, which is when things get really dangerous — because, as with humans, the dogs that take the lead are usually jerks.

Most of all, though, a dog follows its master. Master is familiar yet endlessly mysterious. Master gives us food and shares his home. Master is also a strange, benevolent challenge. For example, Master does not seem to appreciate just how many things in his neighborhood are edible. But Master seems pretty confident about what He’s doing — though that could merely be the EST training. Best just to do what Master says, particularly since Master is kind of a jerk, and they usually make the best leaders.

That is why restricting a certain kind of dog because it attacked someone is like outlawing a certain brand of paper because people have written bomb threats on it. A dog is largely the vehicle of its owner — especially pit bulls, which I’m told are notably loyal and trainable. People teach these animals to attack, then pile on the idiocy of letting them run around without a leash. When Passaic Councilman Sammy Rivera was recently chased through the park by a pit bull, the problem wasn’t the dog’s breed. Any loose dog might have done the same thing, particularly if it were trained to attack, and belonged to the mayor.

What really needs to be outlawed are certain kinds of owners. The ones who let their dogs loose in public areas and allow them to roam around — those owners would have to wear a choke chain. The ones who don’t get shots for their dogs would have to wear one of those lampshade collars that restrict their vision and keep them from biting fleas. Those who train their dogs to attack just because they think it would be cool, they get their body hair poodle-shaved so they look dainty.

But again, before I went after those kinds of owners, I’d start with the little yappy ones.