Surely our lives are different this week. We just had about 160 world leaders at the United Nations over the weekend — presidents, prime ministers, dictators, cult leaders and a couple of benevolent mass murderers.

They all came to the Millennium summit not just to clog traffic up and down the east side of Manhattan — which could have been a real problem if there were ever any reason to go there — but because of one overwhelming circumstance that made this gathering inevitable and guarantees its impact: The year happens to be a nice round number.

Surely with that going for it, the Millennium Summit — so successful that perhaps we should call it the First Annual Millennium Summit — could not possibly have been the biggest non-event since the founding of the League of Nations. And of course it wasn’t. Literally many things have changed since last week, and here they are.

The Middle East

Until last week, I could have sworn the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians was a relatively localized conundrum. But when the Millennium Summit came to town, some non-Palestinian Muslim groups from Passaic County went to the UN to protest the unlikely possibility that the Palestinians would ever give up their claims to Jerusalem. In the grand old tradition of using religion to make things worse, some people are calling for Muslim control of Jerusalem whatever else the PLO decides, because I suppose — and I hadn’t realized this before — the Palestinians don’t have enough problems of their own.

The reasoning for Islamic rule is that Muslims held the city peacefully during the Ottoman Empire. The counter argument of course is that Jews occupied it when most of the Bible was written. With the Millennium Summit, though, I now see we should hand over the land to its true original owners — the Canaanites.

In any case, with this kind of action at the summit, a day will come within our lifetime when the Mid-East will be at peace, everyone will be satisfied to share the land, and yes, pigs will fly. Just like blue jays.

Castro

Boy. I’m sure glad we don’t have to worry about that guy anymore! He was a perfect gentleman at the summit, and in a lovely contrast to when he visited New York City in 1960, he did not pluck chickens in his hotel suite. Also this time around he received a warm reception in Harlem — where for some reason they have a soft spot in their hearts for anyone who irritates rich people. And he even shook hands with the president.

As a sideshow, by the way, the president’s spokespeople at first said this essentially harmless gesture never took place. But then photos turned up and the president’s people said they were misinformed, but that the president had shaken Castro’s hand basically out of peer pressure.

Ah, Clinton. I shall miss him.

America

Speaking of Castro, he took some time out while he was here to declare that wealthy nations — especially ours — are largely responsible for making other nations poorer, exploited and more dependent. So I guess we’ll stop doing that now. And President Vladimir Putin called for an international conference to outlaw the militarization of space, so I guess we’ll be stopping that too — because hey, it’s the Russians, the conscience of the world.

And that’s what the whole weekend was about. It clearly showed that, whether you’re the last remaining superpower or a mob in West Timor — who, that very same week killed three UN workers and burned their bodies in the streets — everyone will change their ways, as long as you ask nicely.