If two recent news stories fully cover the nuances of the current era (And let's just say they do. Why complicate things?), we now have a generation gap between people who are maybe seven years apart. The elders are people in their 20s, who, according to a study by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers, are interested in fun, casual sex and low-commitment relationships.

Yes, it took a study to establish this -- as well as a profoundly slow news day to publish it. But it does contrast with another study -- this one by the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta -- saying that fewer teenagers are having sex, while cocaine, marijuana and cigarette use went up among high school students in the 1990s.

To review: People in their 20s are having sex, people in their teens are taking drugs. As a result, people in their 20s are becoming software moguls, people in high school are shooting each other.

Something has divided these two generations of otherwise identically insufferable pipsqueaks, and the obvious culprit, for this and everything else that has ever gone wrong, is the Internet -- which has opened up many vast new frontiers of creativity and expression, and which will kill everyone you know within two years. People in their 20s view the Internet merely as their likely place of temporary employment and eventual bankruptcy.

But teenagers think of it the same way the rest of us think of, say, room temperature. They have grown up immersed in this latest form of voodoo, and have become more of a push-button generation than any of the other 17 or 18 push-button generations that have preceded them.

Even given that people in their 20s like casual sex (and by the way, one or two people in their 40s don't entirely mind it either), seduction is still an organic, uncertain, human process, comparable to growing potatoes: It takes a lot longer than you think, all the important stuff happens below the surface, and in the end, the outcome is entirely up to the potato. Also, the whole thing falls apart if bugs start crawling out.

And a longer-term sexual relationship is an arduous trek through an unconquerable jungle -- particularly if the jungle gets depressed during the holidays and can't understand why you don't buy a decent set of bookshelves.

But taking drugs is a push-button activity, like clicking on a mouse or writing a script for "Party of Five." Pop something in your mouth and you automatically feel different. Drugs are easy. You don't have to be attractive for them, or aggressive or entirely odor-free. You don't have to spend all night listening to your date blather vapidly about screenplays. You don't even have to stop compulsively talking through sock-puppets. No matter what the conditions, drugs work exactly the same way every time you take them.

And that, frankly, can look like a pretty good deal to a high school kid. Take it from me, if you are an awkward, acne-scarred teenage boy, it is going to be a clear day in Teaneck before you experience the natural high of having the prom queen shave your chest hairs. But if you are an awkward, acne-scarred teen-age boy with $100, you can at least afford the relatively pleasant option of blacking out.

Anyway, I've strayed from my point, and if I could figure out what my point is, I would probably be getting back to it right about now. So let me just say that it's sad that sex and drugs can't get along anymore. In addition, teenagers today are relying on quick fixes, and I think we should find a quick way to fix that. When I was young, we found more creative avenues for expressing our rage and confusion -- for example, by voting for Jimmy Carter.

It also disturbs me, sitting here at age 40, that all over the country, attractive people in their 20s are having sex. How dare they?