Among the many things the Internet is going to solve by 3 p.m. next Thursday is education. At least one New Jersey gubernatorial candidate is talking about having more college-level online classrooms. And Pennsylvania has two cyber charter schools, which the Associated Press says are advertised for children with special needs, medical issues or "irregular schedules."

What kind of kid has an "irregular schedule"? What's he doing, driving an airport shuttle?

More to the point, can online students get the full experience of school – the comradery, the guidance, the one teacher you never forget because she opened up your world or maybe just threw a wet towel at the back of your head and laughed hysterically?

Perhaps we can judge by the following transcript from an online class in American history:

Professor: OK. You're all supposed to have read the chapter about America in the 1950s.

JoeC: I read it but, like, who's Boo Radley?

Professor: That's from To Kill A Mockingbird. You read the wrong book. Now, have any of you heard the expression "McCarthyism" applied to anything recently?

Lucille: Hi.

Professor: Hi.

Lucille: We are cute young coeds who are earning money for school. Click here for some of our hot pix.

[Site administrator has blocked Lucille from the chat room.]

Professor: Anybody else?

Klingon_Master: Well, when Clinton was getting impeached, each side was calling the other McCarthyites.

Professor: That's an important insight. The word "McCarthyism" has itself become a smear tactic.

Klingon_Master: But what confused me in the text was the word "friend." What is a friend?

Professor: Well..., like the friends you have. Like when you get out and meet people.

Klingon_Master: Oh, I never do that. I stay at my computer where I can do what I want. I could be jumping up and down on my chair for all you know. Hup. Ho. Jumping around... OK. Gotta stop. Been sitting at this computer too much. Heart pounding. Stabbing pain. Call ambulance...

JoeC: Dude, I want to say something. To his supporters, McCarthy seemed like a dedicated patriot and guardian of genuine Americanism.

Professor: That's actually an important point.

JoeC: But to his detractors, he was an irresponsible, self-seeking witch-hunter who was undermining the nation's traditions of civil liberties.

Professor: Very well put.

JoeC: And although he failed to make a plausible case against anyone, his colorful and cleverly presented accusations drove some people out of their jobs and brought popular condemnation to others.

Professor: Wait a minute. Are you just copying and pasting all this from an online encyclopedia?

JoeC: The persecution of innocent people on the charge of being communists and the forced conformity that this practice engendered in American public life came to be known as McCarthyism. (See: McCarthyism)

[Site administrator has blocked JoeC from the chat room.]

Professor: Is anybody else here?

Frieda_J: Prof. Stanton? I ... I think I love you.

Professor: But we've never even met in person.

Frieda_J: You'd love me too if you knew something important about me.

Professor: This isn't really the time... Then again, you're the only student left. All right. What should I know about you?

Frieda_J: I am a cute young coed who is earning money for school. Click here for some of my hot pix.

Is there any real bond between these people? Only that, when they finally graduate, they'll stand up from their desks, shut down their computers, step outside and get hit by a bus.

College syllabi never include anything about looking both ways before you cross the street. I think it's something you're supposed to learn on your way to class.