TV clicks on to a local morning talk show. A bubbly young woman is laughing while her co-host, an energetic, well-dressed man, finishes telling his lame story.

Lorenzo — ... So then George Hamilton says to me, “Did you and Larry Storch just clean my pool?”

Mary Lynn — (LAUGHING) Well if that isn't the craziest thing. You must be the craziest person on earth. I'll bet you jabber to yourself and your clothes smell, you're so crazy.

Lorenzo — Anyway, turning to the news, a new proposal is coming from the Federal Communications Commission.

Mary Lynn — They're in charge of TV and everything! We love them! (LAUGHS) Hey, FCC guys! We love youuuuuu!

Lorenzo — The FCC wants to let fewer people own more TV stations. Right now, one company can own TV stations that reach 35 percent of all the households in the country. The FCC would make it 45 percent. And one company could own combinations of newspapers and television and radio stations in the same city.

Mary Lynn — (LAUGHS) Oh no, the colonel could own everything! (TO THE AUDIENCE) I'm talking about the station's owner, Dick Lester. We call him the colonel because he was in the armed services. Can you imagine? (LAUGHS)

Lorenzo — More likely some big company like Megalith Media will buy out the colonel. And the company that buys up all the little stations, it's not exactly going to run negative news stories about itself.

Mary Lynn — You're a negative Nelly. (LAUGHS)

Lorenzo — You know, that constant, vacuous laugh of yours is really starting to ...

Channel changes to a local newscast. The younger, dignified female newscaster is smiling while a goofy older male newscaster finishes telling a story.

Bob — ... So Richard Dawson interrupts Rita Moreno and asks me, “Did your son eat my hair gel?”

Sarah — (LAUGHS INDULGENTLY) Kids. Gosh. Why do people have them? Anyway, in financial news, Megalith Media now owns 45 percent of the TV market, including our rival station, WGDY, home to Good Morning with Lorenzo and Mary Lynn. In unrelated news, Megalith said it will not renew the contract for Lorenzo Parker, co-host of Good Morning with Lorenzo and Mary Lynn. Network executives cheerfully hinted he might be a terrorist. And now, our own crazy Biff Weider tells us how to get grape juice stains out of a dog sweater.

Biff — OK. First, you've got to stare at the dog until it knows who's boss ...

Channel changes to an entertainment news show. A hip-looking male host is finishing telling a story to his younger, hip-looking female co-host.

Cedric — ... So Pauly Shore cuts in on my conversation with Florence Henderson and says, “You're the guy who's been killing my cattle.”

Wendy — (LAUGHS) Awesome. Next up on Where Are They Now, we look at Lorenzo Parker, former co-host of Good Morning with Lorenzo and Mary Lynn. His former partner has gone on to fame and movie deals, but Lorenzo was recently declared by the president to be a non-person. We asked him why he can't get a job.

Cedric — But we don't have time to show his answer.

Wendy — That's right. No time at all. Completely out of time for him to explain why he can't find work in a market dominated by Megalith Media.

Cedric — Out of time altogether.

Wendy — And unfortunately, because we don't have time to show you Lorenzo's 15-second answer, our show is running two minutes short.

Cedric — Five minutes.

Wendy — So for the remainder of the show, I'm going to think of an object and Cedric will try to guess what it is.

Cedric — Is it money?

Wendy — Darn. You got it too quickly. And now I can't think of another object.