Have you ever noticed that President Bush’s people call everything inevitable? His election was inevitable. The attacks on the World Trade Center in 2001? Inevitable too. Nothing anyone could have done about them.

Problems with the economy are inevitable. It was going to sink no matter what. But it wasn’t going to rise no matter what. For that, we needed huge tax cuts, even though nothing really improved after we had them – which, when you think about it, was inevitable.

And since Bush believes in the rapture, the end of all human life is inevitable – and the sooner the better. Armageddon is inevitable. Sorry, but there it is. If you’re not a Christian, Hell is inevitable. On the other hand, for the Jews, the survival of Israel is inevitable, because it will bring about the end of the world.

The point, overall, is that President Bush is not responsible for anything. None of us are, really. Everything was predestined before we got here. So nothing we do can really change anything – even though Bush is changing all kinds of things. And when they go wrong, they’re not his fault because his presidency was inevitable. So we can hardly blame him for it.

What’s interesting, though, is that everything that happened under Bill Clinton was ... what’s the opposite of inevitable? Evitable? Gosh, things are so inevitable that you can’t even think of the opposite of it. Except with Clinton. He was actually capable of free will – which, by the way, is why the economy is in the dumper, despite the two enormous tax cuts that Bush passed even though nothing he does can make any difference anyway.

The reason the economy is still tanking is that Bill Clinton received oral sex from an intern. You can’t imagine what oral sex – properly administered – can do to the economy. I’m telling you, it was that kind of blow job.

That’s what happens with free will. And that is why we are better off feeling helpless against high unemployment and a terrorist network that has nothing to do with the country we just attacked. Because this is just the way things are supposed to go. There’s really no point in getting worked up about it. Honestly, why are liberals so angry?