The comedian Kevin Meaney has become a messenger from a more innocent time - which seems appropriate, if you've ever seen his act. What makes him funny is the enthusiasm and faith he puts into his delivery: Saying certain lines over and over until, by God, somebody starts laughing: "We're big pant people!" "Look at him! Take a good look at him!" Singing the months of the year, the days of the week, the numbers one through 100.

He even had a song for when he bombed. "I don't care! I don't care! My jokes don't go over, I don't care!" I guess it doesn't look like much on paper. You kind of have to see him do it.

So it could also have been another case of "You had to be there" when he got dragged away by police recently at the San Francisco International Airport for getting in a fight with a security officer.

Allegedly, Meaney was videotaping an airport security checkpoint, which, for some insane reasons of national security, is illegal. When officials talked to him, he supposedly was rude. Then Meaney's wife had to be searched. Things escalated. A scuffle ensued. And at some point, somehow, according to airport security officials, Meaney's hand found its way to the butt of a National Guardsman's gun. Thus it came to pass that Meaney was booked into San Mateo County Jail on a felony charge of attempting to take a firearm from a police officer.

Yep, could have been handled differently. But here's a guy who has been encouraged for years to look upon authority the same as he would upon the drunkest paying customer. People have been paying Meaney handsome sums of money to be aggressive in public. Then he walks out one day and ... whoa! When did the crowd turn?

All of a sudden, there are a bunch of things we're not allowed to do or say anymore, ways of messing with people's heads, excesses that were OK right up until the end of last summer. So, naturally, those are the first things we think of as soon as we walk into the airport or post office.

Please, therefore, do not do any of the following things, even if you think of them:

* Do not move into a new neighborhood in a suspicious way. This includes putting way too many flags on your lawn, along with pictures of all the presidents in an indiscriminate order, yet speaking to family members in some unrecognizable language, and whenever one of your neighbors says anything to you at all, you just smile, nod your head and say, in a thick foreign accent, "Yes! America great! I kiss Uncle Sam on his mouth!"

* Please do not end every single conversation regardless of the topic by saying, "Mostly, though, I look forward to meeting God."

* Never, ever go to a diner, stare at some guy while he's eating soup, and after five minutes ask him, "Are you feeling anything yet?"

* Do not join an Internet chat room for Britney Spears fans and send a lot of e-mails with the subject heading "Allah is good."

* Do not apply for a license to haul hazardous waste and, while filling out the forms, repeatedly ask the clerk how to spell your first name.

* Try not to keep interrupting conversations by saying, "The ironic thing is that, pretty soon, none of this will matter."

* Do not, under any circumstances, put on an orange biohazard suit, go to Disneyland, and keep frantically trying to cut into line for the Country Bear Jamboree.

* It is a bad idea to stop random people on the street and ask, "Excuse me, would you happen to know where I could surrender to the Arabs?"

* Most of all - and this is a good idea no matter what the international situation - do not call up ex-girlfriends or boyfriends with whom you had a bad breakup two years ago and open the conversation by asking, "So. Are you watching the news right now?"

It is far too easy to come up with stuff like this. So give yourself the challenge of thinking only about good things and repress any other ideas, until one day you snap at the airport, and find yourself singing the "I don't care" song as they haul you away.