I've tried many ways to appear younger – not with diet or exercise, of course; mostly by acting immature and dressing the same way I did in high school. But now a book has shown me the grueling work required for looking fresh.

It is called The Perricone Prescription Personal Journal – Your Total Body and Face Rejuvenation Daybook, by Dr. Nicholas Perricone, published by HarperCollins. Somebody left it at my desk, along with some mouthwash and fresh socks. In the very first line of the introduction, Perricone says, “I am very pleased that you've taken a serious interest in the Perricone Prescription.” Yes, he's glad to reach me specifically; there have been complaints.

If I understand the book correctly, all you need in order to look younger are a focus and commitment that make the Heavens Gate cult look like a dog park. Every morning, you exercise for 20 minutes then rub yourself with Alpha Lipoic Acid Nutritive Cleanser, facial toner, firming activator, two kinds of eye-area therapy, lip plumber, finishing moisturizer and body toning lotion. Then you go through all that stuff again at bedtime, along with restorative cream. Your skin will glow because, of course, you will be more or less constantly wet.

Next, you spend all day buying and preparing what the book recommends for your diet. It takes work. You can't just drop by a diner for the prescribed afternoon snack in the 24th day of the program, and say, “I'll have six ounces of plain whole milk yogurt, four hazelnuts and a kiwi.”

You'll eat almost no starches, of course, but you will have salmon: broiled salmon, smoked salmon, salmon salad. You have salmon nine times in the first week alone, making you look as young as all those other people who constantly eat salmon – mainly, overweight Scandinavians and old Jewish women.

At the end of the day, you meditate and answer questions in the day book about what your skin looks like, how your body feels, how your mind is working and “three things I appreciated in my life today.” Here are samples from my journal:

Day 6. Breakfast requires a 2-inch wedge of honeydew melon, but I will not eat honeydew again until Day 16. The rest of the melon is already turning liquid. Also, lunch includes precisely half an apple. In the days ahead, I am to eat other apples, but not half an apple. That leaves me with the spare half, which stares at me.

Notes about my skin